She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You left your phone here
Wait...
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