I cockslap morals
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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