i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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