I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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