I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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