..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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