i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's blow job season.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize