I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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