Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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