the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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