naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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