Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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