Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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