You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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