1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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