just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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