While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize