bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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