We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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