We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Vodka?
Forever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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