She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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