omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
operation harelip BJ is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize