I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize