I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hippo gnu deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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