for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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