my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize