You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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