I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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