Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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