Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize