my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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