the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize