i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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