And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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