why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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