I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize