Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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