There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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