so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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