i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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