Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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