What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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