Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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