he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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