I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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