somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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