I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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