3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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