just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize