2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize